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#21 Love is where your Focus is – Mal Harrison

Mal Harrison is a clinical sexologist, eroticism philosopher, TEDx speaker, and founder of the Center for Erotic Intelligence. In 2011, she served as resident sexologist and advice columnist for the Museum of Sex where her research on the internal clitoris went viral, changing the way we understand female anatomy and function.

In 2016, she founded the Center for Erotic Intelligence to reframe our collective understanding of human sexuality, overhaul sex education, and facilitate advanced research projects on the evolution of human sexuality. Mal is a regular lecturer at conferences worldwide, speaking on human desire, consumerism, and eroticism.

She thoroughly enjoys studying how the erotic mind can empower our everyday lives, and offers fresh new insights on creating sustainable human connection, healthy relationships, and healthy sexual development amid the ever-evolving world of technology.


  • Mal Harrison, founder of the Center for Erotic Intelligence, discusses her journey as a sexologist and relationship expert. [00:02]
  • Mal emphasizes the need for better sexual health education for individuals going through medical conditions. [00:39]
  • The Center for Erotic Intelligence focuses on sex education, consent education, and interpersonal relationship education. [01:55]
  • Mal shares insights from her work, emphasizing the importance of healing the mind along with the body. [06:17]
  • Technology plays a significant role in our lives, affecting social intelligence and mental health. [09:42]
  • Dating apps offer a paradox of choice, impacting relationships and decision-making. [11:31]
  • Mal recommends creating events and meetups to encourage people to put their phones down and engage face-to-face. [12:40]
  • Technology can positively impact relationships through apps that promote communication and intimacy. [14:20]
  • Mal discusses the potential challenges of technology in relationships and society’s need to recalibrate its digital media consumption. [19:53]
  • Encouraging kids to spend time outdoors and engage in group activities can help counter the negative effects of excessive technology use. [26:11]
  • Mal recommends focusing on self-worth and not relying on external validation in relationships. [30:10]
  • The discussion closes with advice for her 20-year-old self, emphasizing self-awareness and resilience. [32:12]

Interesting Quotes:

Good Site:
Explore Body more
help couples to have better sex

dating apps
Paradox of choice

Opportunities using technologies
Lonlies epidemic

Healing not only the Body also Heal the Mind

The Biggest Advice for Relationship:
Love is, where Focus/Attention is

Creating Events where you need to give away your phone
Be aware how often you are distracted by your phone

Pushback vs electronic consumption

Learn to embrace change early

When you feel what you think is romantic Love, it’s not your Heart its dopamine searching through your brain

The greatest Art you can master, is to be Mindful of this feeling and not asign meaning to it

it takes many years to really know someone and many more that someone really knows you

Drugs are a hurricane

Life it’s never what you think, be aware of the dopamine

If you keep bad people around you because you are scared of being alone, but one day you love being alone

Book Recommendations:

Rising Strong – Brené Brown
Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want from Sex–and How to Get It – Marty Klein
The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment – Jack Morin
Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray – Helen Fisher